Ego

Notes to self on Ego, Status, External Validation, Relationships, Infinite and Finite Games

Feb 23rd, 2024 by Sigil Wen

"It's the Honest Introspection part that everyone falls down on. Because no one wants to admit they were wrong. Especially to themselves"

Sharing for Validation vs. Valuable Sharing

• Social Media Leverage can easily be derailed to negative compounding - Status optimization, productivity signalling.
• Core purpose of Media: Distribution for Authenticity. Share for Value not Status
• Status and Productivity Signalling are Short term- the types of people who look up to / are attracted by Status Signalling aren't the people you want to be with long term. You attract the wrong people
• Perceptive long term people see through signalling, it turns people off. People already know you work with X person, so you don't need to constantly signal that.
• Long term posting is Substance > Status.
• Signal Should be Sincere. Valuable
• Treat your audience as if it's the Smartest / most legit demographic you know. Attract the people you want to be around.

Taking Feedback: Optics vs. Optimization

• If you care about becoming as good as you can be as fast as you can be, consider that people may have perspective that will push you ahead in your goals
• Accept the Optics of Submission - Lean into it - to grow the most. Ego creates resistance to accepting subordination from someone perceived at the "same level" or "below" you in Status.
• Feedback/Advice is Cheat Codes handed to you on a Silver Platter.
• Submit to the Student-Teacher relationship. Don't feel embarrassed. Assume by default they may be right, that you don't understand something, and extract the value.
• To receive feedback well, you need the other person to:
• Feel completely comfortable giving you feedback
• Doesn't change/harms the relationship with you. In fact, it improves the relationship
• If you are sincerely receptive to it, and genuine appreciative, it makes them feel heard and feel good -> They feel happy having helped you, and a part of your journey

Finite vs. Infinite Relationships

• Finite: It's natural to feel competition when your sense of identity comes from Status Supremacy in the Hierarchy
• What this manifests: For most people, helping them feels non threatening (of status), but for people slightly above or below in status, your perceived status is threatened, leading to finite behaviour.
• Finite: feeling good from superiority over others. This is challengeable and triggers other people.
• Infinite: Realizing that success is not a Selection Game (Zero Sum), rather the Barriers to success are Individual: Intentional effort, Direction, and Execution.
• Infinite: Deriving Identity from Status & Supremacy -> Becoming the best version of yourself
• Infinite: Conspiring for Success: you can rise alongside your peer group and pull each other up. It's not you vs. the world. It's your peers (conspiracy) vs. the world.
• Infinite: That the game is Positive sum and the more people around succeed, the more prosperous you and the world is.

The Art of Advice

• Helping others should not come from Ego, trading goodwill, or a feeling of Superiority. These are impure desires that make it feel transactional. Even if you are helpful, others will sense this and make them resent you.
• It matters what someone feels when & after you help them.
• The right type of Giving: Genuinely Acknowledge the network effects of helping others. The infinite games to be played.

Becoming a better Man: Friend, Citizen, Colleague, Human

• Be Earnest: Treat every interaction seriously, especially the first. If you don't like the "What do you do question", don't dismiss it or Troll the other person.
• Have filter (empathy v.s superiority) but be less filtered (authenticity vs. image)
• Everyone wants to be feel good about being asked to do something.
• Important people are pitched constantly. Be cognicsent
• Think more, do less, but do it fully.
• Follow through ;-)

A large portion of these notes are paraphrasing feedback or direct quotes. Thank you Adam Majmudar, James Lin, Will Depue, Brian Norgard, and Naval Ravikant for the sincere feedback and advice. I have a long way to grow ❤️